How to Open a Wine Bottle Without a Corkscrew

You've probably just picked up two sisters at the resort bar, invited them to join you for dinner, and then the three of you walked along the beach under the moonlight with your arms linked together. You suggest returning to your rented bungalow for a night-cap knowing that a bottle of red wine will put everyone in an experimental mood. After frantically digging through all the drawers in the kitchen you realize that the rental equipped with everything including your own personal sauna,is missing one of the most important tools of the last 200 years.  A corkscrew.

Don't panic, Epic News is here to help.

While there are several ways of opening a wine bottle that range in stupidity from hacking at it with a sharp object like a caveman to smashing the bottle, likely ruining the carpet and contaminating whatever wine can be salvaged with shards of broken glass. (*Never break the bottle, nothing ruins a romantic evening like a trip to the emergency room) In our opinion there is only one way to reach the trapped nectar of the gods.

Open it Like a Boss

Wrap the bottom of the bottle in a towel, or place a phone book against a hard surface or tree.

Hit the bottom of the bottle firmly and evenly against a reasonably flat, hard, vertical surface (such as a doorjam, or a tree). The pressure of the wine against the cork will gradually nudge the cork out. Do not use a wall as you'll likely put the bottle right through the drywall and it will only add to the mounting humiliations in an evening that's already going downhill fast.

As an alternative, you can hold the bottle upside-down between your knees and strike the bottom of the bottle with a shoe. But be careful not to dump the contents all over the carpet.

Once the cork is partially sticking out, you can pull it out with your hands or pliers. You can also just continue hitting the bottle rhythmically until the entire cork comes out (be careful about wine spilling out, since you're holding the bottle sideways). If you are trying to open a carbonated beverage like champagne or lambic, let the bottle sit for 10-15 minutes before pulling/pushing out the cork completely to avoid an explosion of beverage in your face.